On the issue of the progress of women in science...

This article really got me thinking. It makes some great points about how girls respond differently to challenges than boys while growing up, and how this may influence the success of women in the future.

First off, I want to establish that while societal (and certainly physiological) differences exist between men and women, there are of course exceptions to any generalizations one might make. But a lot of the things the author said in this article really spoke to me.

While I always got...
Okay. I was just about to type the word "stellar." And then I thought, "No, that would be too much. Say something like, 'high.'" It's even happening now, a good twenty years later.
Anyway, while I always got high grades in school, I always tried to distract from that by having a sense of humor, and trying to be extra nice to people. I didn't want anyone to think that I thought I was above them. Because really, I don't think that any human being is better or worse than any other human being. I wanted to be humble.

One time in 7th grade we were asked to write a poem using words to describe ourselves. One of the words I used was "intelligent." An adult who I trust and respect said that sounded egotistical. I changed it.

The fact is, being humble while numbers, evaluations and awards tell you that you are exceptional, can be very confusing. It can cause one to go too far into the self-effacing direction.

I think that while girls may not necessarily be directly discouraged from excelling at subjects like science and math (these days), their subconscious minds may tell them that showing weakness, in other words backing down from challenges, may be, ultimately, a positive course of action.

Eventually, the tendency to keep one's mouth shut and do as one's told (both positive attributes for girls in our society) can lead to huge confidence issues. I think the thing that scares me the most about trying to become a professor is convincing people that my ideas are worthwhile and smart. That, and having worthwhile and smart ideas in the first place. Actually, it's more the second thing.

Putting yourself in a position to be repeatedly shot down by grant organizations requires a staggering amount of a) self-confidence or, in my case, b) blind optimism due to the fact that things have pretty much gone my way as long as I've put in the effort. I really think that a lack of self-confidence is the real driving force behind the lack of progression of women from Ph.D. to full professor. Family planning undoubtedly plays a role, and the U.S. definitely needs to re-think its role on providing things like maternity/paternity leave and aid for child care, but I don't think that is the main problem.

So what can we do about it? Turn all our girls into egomaniacs? Certainly some exist already; I'm not saying they don't. But there must be some kind of training that can be put into place at an early age (and not necessarily just for girls) to make students more aware of things like self-confidence. Maybe we should focus on the topic of the article: how to face challenges. I'll have to leave this part to the educators and sociologists.

January

For some reason, time has been passing very strangely for me in the past few weeks. Christmas came and went, we moved to our new apartment, and now I am "adjusting" to life back in the city (almost) where I did my undergrad.

My new job is okay so far. I really like my boss and my coworkers, but it's hard to move from a place and a position where everyone knows you (and you know what you're doing) to something that's quite the opposite. There are only a few things I can do in the lab right now, and I have to ask for help to do a lot of them, mostly because they haven't processed my appointment yet and so I can't even log onto any of the computers.

We share lab space with a few other groups, and they are all filled with people who know each other. A few people have introduced themselves and been generally nice, but still, I am spending all my time with RNA.

I started taking the bus to and from work rather than riding my bike, since I decided that the money saved by riding probably wouldn't be worth the risk of getting hit by a car (which was pretty high considering the way people drive and the nature of the roads out here). I don't mind taking the bus, but I don't like waiting for it in the cold. I do like winter (walking around campus after the snowstorm was really lovely) but I'll be very happy when things start to warm up.

My new boots hurt my feet, but they are getting better. Maybe I should use that as a metaphor. I just need to break my new life in.

I don't miss Boulder the city, but I do miss the friends I made there.

J has been working to unpack and organize the apartment, and has been doing a good job, but there is still a lot of work to do and it's very disorienting to live in a place full of boxes.

I'll feel better once I get paid. We have a lot of bills now that we didn't have to worry about before, so I need to figure out how much money we *actually* have so I can maybe go out and enjoy the city.