Lack. Of. Motivation.

So, I'm writing my paper. For *real* this time. But why am I not immensely motivated and relieved?

I am not as happy about this as I was about the original paper (the one which, it turns out, had issues). This paper has fewer issues. But is it less interesting?

We have some data that is confusing. We don't have time to write about it now. We will write about it later. It does not refute anything we are presenting here, but still:

*Is that bad?*

I am more apprehensive, and less proud of, the current work. Maybe I am just worried that this won't get submitted either, that there is going to be something else at the last minute to delay it.

In any case, I am extremely unmotivated right now. Also, I'm hungry. And I want coffee. But I've been spending too much money on food and coffee lately, so I should just wait until I get home.

It's a little after 3:30. I got here at about 11:00 today, and already I want to go home.

I guess that's a disadvantage(?) to this kind of job. If I really want to, I can go home whenever I want. But that also means it will take me longer to finish this.

I kind of wanted to go for a walk. But if I walked somewhere, I'd end up buying food.

I can't concentrate when I'm hungry.

I want to go home, but I don't know what to do when I get there. The apartment needs cleaning but I don't want to do that. I don't even want to expend the energy to walk home.

What's my problem?

The semester just started yesterday, and already I'm freaking out. This is not good.

Okay, here's what I'm going to do: take things that seem insurmountable and make them surmountable.

1. Go home
2. Eat food
3. Practice violin (audition tomorrow???)
4. Work on paper
5. Do dishes

Yes, this is incredibly lame, using my blog to make to-do lists, but that's what's happening.

Mulholland Drive

I recently watched Mulholland Drive for the first time. Since I'm at work right now, I can't really go into an analysis, as I don't have enough time. Okay, honestly, even if I had time, I wouldn't tackle it. There's just too much weirdness in there, and I don't know anything about film study anyway. I'll just leave you with this question:

Does David Lynch realize that he's making things that don't make any sense? I mean, does his work make sense to him? I wonder if I was to ask him, "Seriously, Mr. Lynch, what was with that random cowboy?" he would reply, "Oh, yeah, I just put him in there to f*ck with people." The same thing with the guy behind the dumpster. And the entire plot of the movie.

But I'm glad I watched it. I try to read/watch things that I think are (pop?) culturally relevant, or just complete mind jobs. I guess I'm a bit of a film sheep when it comes to award-winning films. But I'm okay with that. I think I need to be a little more careful of the Independent award winners though, because they are either on a different plane of existence than I am, or I'm just not getting the "message" with many of them.

I liked:
Amores perros
Y tu mama tambien

I did not like:
Bad education
Mulholland Drive
Volver

I guess working on my Spanish has led me to watch quite a few Independent films.

Even Gael Garcia Bernal (sp?) couldn't save Bad Education.

Okay, time to stall until 5 PM...